June 2, 2008

Brand Camp: The Five Stages of Missing Plan

How to address each stage(according to me):

For DENIAL (Jan to Feb)
Get HR or Marketing to organize a sales kick-off in some fancy resort with eat-all-you-can food and drink-all-you-can beer. Once the Sales and Marketing teams are drunk, hand them to their sales commitment papers for the year and make them sign it.

For ANGER (March to May)
Get Marketing to launch a kick-ass advertising campaign with celebrity endorsers. This will temporarily distract all employees while creating buzz about the product in the market.

For BARGAINING(June to Sept)
Get the Finance, Sales and Marketing heads in one room and announce to the organization that the quotas are being "revisited".

For DEPRESSION (Oct to Nov)
Get the CEO to call for a an organization-wide meeting and counter the negative aura in the room with good news (like "we have hired a new Marketing guy that will get us out of this rut") and stories of inspiration ("I know I have the best team members in industry"). But, the CEO must, in no way, change the original target. While this is happening, get HR to release early the mandated extra month bonus (this should be the last item on the CEO's speech).

Sales and Marketing underlings hold each others hand and come up with kamikaze promos and price dives. HR to organize a christmas party telling every that its alright (but that the cycle will start again come January).

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