December 11, 2006

Wedding factories, Elaine interrupted and irritable church manangs

We havent sung for a wedding in San Agustin for the longest time until yesterday. We stopped accepting weddings in San Agustin ever since it turned out to be one of those "wedding factory" churches. "Wedding factory" churches are those that have weddings scheduled every hour on the hour so couples usually have to buy an hour or two and spend up to P50,000 just for the church rental (big revenue source for wedding factories). And because you rent by the hour, they have time guards(usually young girls wearing tops with fancy cuts which went of style 2 years ago) making sure that you stick to your slot. This often results to very mechanical weddings that have to fit 60 minutes. First, your entourage and bridal march have to run to the altar to save time. Then your officiating priest has to deliver his homily as short as he can (possibly the only advantage of this set-up? =p). The choir only gets to sing during offertory and communion. And doing your pictorials is like waiting for your order in the food court ..."Parents of the bride get ready...Next we will have the bride's immediate family...friends of the bride will be next...customer number 23 your salisbury steak is ready..." (I have to mention at this point that after the priest has said his final blessing, a time guard has kidnapped your commentator and has taken over the microphone. It is her duty to scurry your guests from one pictorial set-up to the next.)

Luckily for us the couple we sang for yesterday was wise enough to buy 2 hours(Congratulations Randy!). This meant a smooth and meaningful celebration from start to finish (though the time guard still took over the pictorial part).

Doinks #1--The bride had picked Panunumpa as the wedding march and we had Elaine sing it "Ikaw lamang ang pangakong mahalin... At mapapawi...."

[crakle. Pan camera to old lady with manang uniform on the lectern]"Annoucement. Please turn off all your cellphones as the mass is going on. Also please watch your valuables..."

Doinks #2--Nicky plays Ito ang Araw as the responsorial psalm. After the choir repeats the chorus, a manang suddenly appears beside him and asks irritably

Manang: "Matagal pa ba yung kantang yan?"
Nicky : "Opo. May dalwang ulit pa"
Manang: "Bilisan mo. Ang haba pala nyan may susunod pang kasal"

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